Fuck yourself.

Stupid fucking living life. Stupid girls. Stupid social life. Stupid thing of having friends. Stupid things of looking cool. Stupid things about love. Stupid thing of having things to do. Stupid thing of looking mean, pretending not to care. Useless way of life. I HATE EVERYONE. I want sunshine, simplicity, innocence & beautiful music. Such as Simian Ghost. Fuck.

I should do that.

KN FTW.

Barbecue food is good
You invite me out to eat it, I should go
But i'm feeling kinda nervous
And not quite myself
So i'm running late on purpose
And i know this won't help
How things have become between us
If i go you'll give me help
And that i don't know how to fix it is making me unwell

But, i arrive at your house but you've just got up
And you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body and i see your cut
So i give you a plaster and we cover it up
I say have you been crying and you say shut up
So we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

The sun is going down now and it's been okay
You tell me all the things you did while i was away, and this worries me so much
You say your fine

Listen, can you hear it?
if you speak, will i feel it?
will it hurt?
and i knew it
i dont know?

I dont know how all people haven't got mental health problems
thinking is one of those stressful things i've ever come across
and not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy
i think i should try and read more books and learn some new words
my sister used to read the dictionary i'm going to start with that
i'd like to travel i want to see india and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France
i'm not sure about rivers they scare me
but i love swimming i'm good at it
when i swim i think about numbers, i count the laps
when i was younger i saw a house burnt down and i walked past it everyday for the next six years
derelict black chalky and dangerous i wondered if squatters lived there?
still not sure but i know there were not any parties coz they were shit
after a while the council got round to tidying up the town making it less offeciencive here and there
they say it was a nice sore so they threw it down
behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word cunt written on it in massive letters and i walked pass that
i like sitting in the park and i like walking through it
i like taking my dogs there and friends and i like being alone
i like flowers and simplicity
i like compassion and thoughtful gifts
i like being able to shout but i wish i could be quiet
but when i'm quiet people think i'm sad and usually i am
sometimes when i'm at a busy trainstation somewhere big with noisy trains like kings cross
i feel like putting down my bags and shouting out because i have something to say
don't you want to share the guilt?
don't think just try and sleep!

It's all and everything I wanna be, love, admire. It's ugly written like that, yet beautiful, truly.

If I Get Popular, I Know That Ain't Fair.

Weird things are taking too much place. Here I am then, in front of that odd stuff, that unreadable and very silly défouloir. I don't know anymore. Where I am, with who I am. Why I'm this, why I'm being this. I can't do it anymore, i'm stuck in front of the gap to fill, my unbelievable lack of musical culture, how I lack so much of culture comparing to all those virtual people, who I can't help but admiring. How I lack of everything that misses to be who I want to be. Everything is missing to me, except the will of being who I want to be. If I do a list of what I feel to be today, it would look like something of that kind : ugly, tired, bored, non-confident, missing, lonely, geeky, useless and a word that expresses the exact opposite of the coolness. Nice one, indeed. Hopefully, I can listen to shitty music and try to pass my exams too.