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Fuck yourself.

Stupid fucking living life. Stupid girls. Stupid social life. Stupid thing of having friends. Stupid things of looking cool. Stupid things about love. Stupid thing of having things to do. Stupid thing of looking mean, pretending not to care. Useless way of life. I HATE EVERYONE. I want sunshine, simplicity, innocence & beautiful music. Such as Simian Ghost. Fuck.

I should do that.

KN FTW.

Barbecue food is good
You invite me out to eat it, I should go
But i'm feeling kinda nervous
And not quite myself
So i'm running late on purpose
And i know this won't help
How things have become between us
If i go you'll give me help
And that i don't know how to fix it is making me unwell

But, i arrive at your house but you've just got up
And you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body and i see your cut
So i give you a plaster and we cover it up
I say have you been crying and you say shut up
So we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

The sun is going down now and it's been okay
You tell me all the things you did while i was away, and this worries me so much
You say your fine

Listen, can you hear it?
if you speak, will i feel it?
will it hurt?
and i knew it
i dont know?

I dont know how all people haven't got mental health problems
thinking is one of those stressful things i've ever come across
and not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy
i think i should try and read more books and learn some new words
my sister used to read the dictionary i'm going to start with that
i'd like to travel i want to see india and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France
i'm not sure about rivers they scare me
but i love swimming i'm good at it
when i swim i think about numbers, i count the laps
when i was younger i saw a house burnt down and i walked past it everyday for the next six years
derelict black chalky and dangerous i wondered if squatters lived there?
still not sure but i know there were not any parties coz they were shit
after a while the council got round to tidying up the town making it less offeciencive here and there
they say it was a nice sore so they threw it down
behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word cunt written on it in massive letters and i walked pass that
i like sitting in the park and i like walking through it
i like taking my dogs there and friends and i like being alone
i like flowers and simplicity
i like compassion and thoughtful gifts
i like being able to shout but i wish i could be quiet
but when i'm quiet people think i'm sad and usually i am
sometimes when i'm at a busy trainstation somewhere big with noisy trains like kings cross
i feel like putting down my bags and shouting out because i have something to say
don't you want to share the guilt?
don't think just try and sleep!

It's all and everything I wanna be, love, admire. It's ugly written like that, yet beautiful, truly.

If I Get Popular, I Know That Ain't Fair.

Weird things are taking too much place. Here I am then, in front of that odd stuff, that unreadable and very silly défouloir. I don't know anymore. Where I am, with who I am. Why I'm this, why I'm being this. I can't do it anymore, i'm stuck in front of the gap to fill, my unbelievable lack of musical culture, how I lack so much of culture comparing to all those virtual people, who I can't help but admiring. How I lack of everything that misses to be who I want to be. Everything is missing to me, except the will of being who I want to be. If I do a list of what I feel to be today, it would look like something of that kind : ugly, tired, bored, non-confident, missing, lonely, geeky, useless and a word that expresses the exact opposite of the coolness. Nice one, indeed. Hopefully, I can listen to shitty music and try to pass my exams too.

"Julian Casablancas". Prenez de ses nouvelles.

En relisant tous ces articles poussiéreux qui traînent sur ce simulacre de recueils de textes virtuels, je m'aperçois comme il est cruel de voir le changement, le constater, ouvrir les yeux un jour et être différent. Rien de fondamental n'a changé dans ma vie, si c'est n'est la ville où j'habite et ce que j'étudie. Et pourtant, tout a changé. L'approche des choses, les sentiments, les manques, la manière d'être seul. Même L. Wells sonne différemment à l'approche du famous 28 novembre. Et si tout allait s'arranger? Ca serait tellement bien. Ca serait tellement incroyable de 'devenir' quelqu'un, une personne qu'on peut décrire autrement que physiquement. On pourrait dire, 'Machin, exerce actuellement dans le domaine truc'. Et moi j'aimerais bien qu'on dise ça.
Je voudrais toujours plus de musique. Jamais il n'y en aura assez, c'est un fait indéniable. '- Sinon, ça va toi, tu écris bien? - Ouais pas mal et toi?'
Sinon il faut absolument écouter :
- Walking des Dodos
- the City, the Airport de Loney, Dear
- 11th Dimension de Julian Casablancas
- Come On Eileen des Dexys Midnight Runners
- Love Will Tear Us Apart de Joy Division
- Inflation des Whitest Boy Alive
- Fuck Radiohead des Russian Sextoys
- I Can Talk de Two Door Cinema Club
- Summertime Clothes d'Animal Collective
- Basic Space de The XX
- Buster Voodoo de Rodrigo Y Gabriela
- Lust For Life de Girls

Oh no ! [Crash tragic]

Kate Nash s'est mariée et à l'autre andouille des Cribs, l'espèce de punk miteux Ryan Jarmans en plus. Et le pire c'est que ca me rend triste, un peu. Comme je peux être grave, parfois. Elle aurait été tellement mieux avec Alex Kapranos, oh oui quel beau couple.

Ceci n'est qu'une histoire illustrative, sur le thème 'bonjour, je fantasme ma vie au lieu de la vivre vraiment, et vous ?'. Mais à part ça, moi ça va. J'ai juste envie d'arrêter les frais des fois, mais je sais même pas comment faire. Dans quel sens aller, l'ignorance totale, le foncé tête baissée ?

Peut être que la deuxième option est finalement la plus rapide pour en finir avec cette histoire bancale qui prend l'eau de toute part, comme un bateau qui a touché le fond, 'mais qui creuse encore'. Pourtant ça partait bien, hein, on avait levé l'ancre comme il faut, mis les voiles dans le bon sens et tout. On avait même caché à la cale tout ce qui débordait un peu trop du passé.

Mais le brouillard s'est installé et depuis je rame. (Ahah.) Peut être qu'on parle pas le même langage, peut être que je me fais du souci pour rien. Peut être que le soleil arrive, je sais pas trop, c'est difficile à dire. En tout cas, je reste intimement persuadé, qu'être trop gentil, c'est mal. Mal pour soi et les autres. Paradoxe, mon ami. Tu as trouvé là quelque chose à ton goût, je crois.